Your mouth is God's brothel.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
