Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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