she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
