What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
