i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
