I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Randomize
