tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
