Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
