So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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