well you can't waste a boner
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
