Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
