guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
