Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
