i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
