If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
