Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
