my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
