do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
