I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
