i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
