Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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