Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
