well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
