Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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