Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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