im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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