I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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