I feel great
I just peed on a car
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
