this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
