We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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