ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize