Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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