If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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