...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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