Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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