That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
