I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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