my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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