In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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