id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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