drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
