I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
