just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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