This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
