I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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