If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
