I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
