I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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