Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
