Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
