I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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