Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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