I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you never un-have a 4some
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
