He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
