tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
