Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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