my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
