Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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