You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
