For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
