We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
