Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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