sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
