My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
