she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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