dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
