just come out here and I will go home with you...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
