dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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