Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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