i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize