Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
