I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
