it wasn't lemon gatorade
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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