I will die if light touches me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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