I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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