whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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