Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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